Navigating the Challenges of Parenting: Dealing with a Rebellious Child

Deuteronomy 21:18-21 (ESV): “If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother, and, though they discipline him, will not listen to them, then his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his city at the gate of the place where he lives, and they shall say to the elders of his city, ‘This our son is stubborn and rebellious; he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton and a drunkard.’ Then all the men of the city shall stone him to death with stones. So you shall purge the evil from your midst, and all Israel shall hear, and fear.”

Wow! So there you have it! Our children don’t know how good they have it! All I can say to that is “Thank God we are no longer under the law” I promise I would not be alive to write today! Nor would some of you! It’s important to note that this verse reflects the legal and cultural context of ancient Israel and is not a prescriptive guideline for contemporary parenting. Again, thank God! but, we better believe those children behaved. However, today, we seek guidance from the broader teachings of the Bible and the principles of love, discipline, and restoration found throughout the Scriptures.

Parenting Today

Parenting is a rewarding journey, and one of the most formidable challenges parents may face is dealing with a rebellious Child, especially teenagers. This is a subject that I have intimate knowledge of with grown children with teenagers. Not only did I deal with this with our children but now with grandchildren. The very first thing I want to say is this IS NOT a finger-pointing study and I would caution every parent to resist pointing your finger at anyone else. Believe me, I have seen many point fingers and wind up with crisis upon crisis with their own children. I offer this study today prayerfully as I know that parents are struggling to find answers to dealing with a rebellious child. I believe that we find the answers in the pages of the Bible, we find narratives of parents grappling with the complexities of raising wayward children. Additionally, the Scriptures offer profound insights into how God, our Heavenly Father, deals with His rebellious children. This article explores both biblical wisdom and divine grace to guide parents in navigating these challenging circumstances.

Understanding Rebellion in the Bible:

Rebellion is not a new theme in the Scriptures. From Adam and Eve to the prodigal son, to the nation of Israel, we see instances of waywardness and defiance. As parents, it’s essential to glean lessons from these stories and understand that challenges in raising children are part of the human experience. Let’s take a look at what the scriptures say on the subject as we seek answers.

Scriptures on Parenting and Rebellion:

1. Proverbs 22:6 (ESV): “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not depart from it.”
   • This verse emphasizes the importance of early guidance and consistent teaching. It also emphasizes the parent’s role in “training a child toward their bent.” Not all children are to be football stars or pianists. Every child is unique and it is our job as parents to guide them in the direction that suits how God made them. Conflict will always arise when we try to force a child to become something that God did not create them for. This must be approached with prayer and grace as God will reveal to us.
2. Proverbs 29:15 (ESV): “The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.”
   • Discipline, when administered with love, aims at shaping character and instilling wisdom. This does not mean you beat your child though you may feel like it sometimes. A careful study of the word rod in the bible will reveal that it represents guidance, protection, and the power of God. The rod represents the Word of God. When we spare the Word of God in the lives of of children we spoil them. The word is used for correction and training.
   • 2 Timothy 3:16-17 (ESV):
     • “All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.”
   • Proverbs 3:11-12 (ESV):
     • “My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.”
   • These verses affirm that the Word of God serves as a guide for correction, teaching, and training in righteous living. It is an essential tool in the process of shaping individuals and correcting their paths according to God’s standards.
3. Ephesians 6:4 (ESV): “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
   • Balancing discipline with instruction rooted in the Lord’s teachings is vital. But we cannot do this brutally. To say to a child “Because I said so” is to rob them of the understanding that we do this to please God. To make them angry is never our goal. Our goal is to bring understanding. This should begin the day they are born but it is never too late. Start where you are, remain calm, and guide them to the truth. I can hear you now, Barry, they provoke me!” I know, but be bigger. Be the calm in the storm not the gas on the fire.
4. Deuteronomy 6:6-7 (ESV): “And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children.”
   • Emphasizes the importance of embedding God’s commandments in daily life. Now we can’t give a drink from an empty glass. We must be filled with the word of God as it is the power of God unto salvation, the power of God for instruction, and the power of God for living. It will work!
5. Proverbs 3:11-12 (ESV): “My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.”
   • Acknowledges the loving nature of God’s discipline, reinforcing the idea that discipline is an expression of love. If we love our children we will discipline them. Truly a child will never be secure in the parent’s love without it.

God’s Model of Dealing with Rebellion:

1. The Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32):
   • This parable showcases God’s unwavering love and readiness to welcome repentant children back into His embrace. He ran to his son as soon as he saw him coming. Unfortunately, the child had to “come to himself” before he went home. He had to suffer the consequences of his actions.
2. Israel’s Rebellion and God’s Grace (Jeremiah 31:3 – ESV):
   • “I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore, I have continued my faithfulness to you.”
   • Despite Israel’s disobedience, God’s love remains steadfast, underscoring the need for grace in parenting. Over and over and over they rebelled, God judged, and they repented. His mercy endures forever. Just as God can’t stop loving His children, we can’t stop. Forgive when they repent and restore.
3. Consequences for Disobedience (Hebrews 12:6-11 – ESV):
   • “For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.”
   • God disciplines those He loves, teaching the importance of consequences coupled with a loving intention. Again, actions have consequences.

Grace and Consequences:

God’s dealing with His rebellious children is characterized by grace, but it doesn’t negate consequences. As parents, embracing this balance is crucial. Grace allows for forgiveness and restoration, while consequences instill responsibility and accountability. The statement “oh they’re just a child” is a dangerous approach to this responsibility. Don’t excuse bad behavior it will only make it worse down the road.

Practical Steps for Dealing with a Rebellious Teenager:

1. Open Communication:
   • Create a safe space for open and honest communication to understand your teenager’s perspective (Ephesians 4:29 – ESV).
2. Set Clear Boundaries:
   • Clearly communicate expectations and consequences, fostering a sense of responsibility (Colossians 3:20 – ESV).
3. Pray for Guidance:
   • Seek divine guidance through prayer for wisdom in navigating challenging situations (James 1:5 – ESV). Pray for your child and if possible pray with your child. I once prayed with my child and my words were “Father, My son is too old to spank, I don’t know what to do so will you spank him?” “He needs a spanking for disrespecting his mother and I’m asking you to correct him” “In Jesus’ name, Amen” When I raised my head tears were running down his face and he went and apologised to his mom. That my friend was the most effective spanking he ever got. Oh, by the way, He was 16 when this happened.
4. Model Godly Behavior.
   • Demonstrate the values and behaviors you wish to instill in your teenager through your own actions (1 Corinthians 11:1 – ESV). I want to shout this from the mountaintop! Be the example.
5. Provide Unconditional Love:
   • Emphasize your unwavering love, even in moments of disagreement, mirroring God’s love for His children (1 Corinthians 13:4-7 – ESV). I love you no matter what is powerful. I used to say “I don’t love what you are doing, but I will always love you”
6. Do Not Remove the Consequences:
   • Even as you extend grace, do not shy away from implementing consequences for actions (Galatians 6:7 – ESV). Jesu reminds us that we will reap what we sow. He gives grace to the humble and law to the prideful. A practice we must mirror.

Conclusion:

Parenting a rebellious teenager is undoubtedly challenging, but the wisdom gleaned from the Scriptures, coupled with the grace and guidance of God, offers hope and direction. Balancing grace and consequences, while maintaining a foundation of love, creates a nurturing environment for growth and transformation. As parents, let us draw inspiration from the divine model and strive to guide our rebellious children with patience, love, and unwavering faith.